Discovering Dildos

After the disastrous encounter with the pole, I've decided to give this whole long, cylindrical paraphernalia another go. This time I went off to discover the whole world of dildos. I thought there was one type; long and hard. How the fuck should I know that there's more than one type?

So there I was at this XXX shop, looking around at all the 'toys' that they had and I kept thinking to myself as I was looking at a pair of chains and manacles, would my fluffy pink hippo bedroom slippers go with those in my bright pink nightgown? While browsing on all the different versions of the manacles, I stumbled upon the dildo section. I mean I literally stumbled upon it. My damn stiletto heels got caught on one of them chains hanging on the floor and I fell flat on my face. Thank god the new boob-job I had bounced me right back up even before my new-made nose hit the ground. I knew silicon will come in handy one day.

Anyways, I was at the dildo section and looking at one of them when a sales representative came up to me and says 'What size are you looking for?'. I asked her if she had a one-size-fits-all version. She looked at me curiously and said "Madam, your pussy is a one-size-fits-all, dicks comes in all sizes and they all fit into all pussies, just depends on how much dick you want inside you." That obviously made no sense to me at all so I asked her what dick size she thinks will be the best for me. Odd expression on her face. For a moment she looked like as though Christmas had come early and she was staring right at my lower abdomen. She recovered quickly, grabbed the first dildo her delicate hands could reach, shoved it into my hands and moved quickly inside the store. I was sure she was blushing really hard.

So now I've got this dildo thingamajig and I thought, since I need to learn being a porn-star and playing with toys, better start somewhere, even though the dildo looks like a plastic piece of corn on a cob. I paid at the cashier and left, thinking of the number of ways I could use this thing. It feels very hard. Wonder if I can use this to knock that damn nail back into the ceiling. Stupid pole.

*Note: this blog is in no way, shape, form or position dissing any porn-stars out there. Pls be gentle.